The following scripts are at this point only hypothetical. The titles are listed first and accompanied by the plot lines, on the rocks with a twist.
"Twin Peaks" - Two empty glasses sit a top a mountain of shaved ice, they are dripping wet with moisture. Suddenly a stream of pale ale splashes into the glasses climaxing with a luscious foam head.
"Sex on the Bitch" - A midget lady holds an over-sized margarita to enhance the size while a man licks it slowly like it's a cat bowl. The margarita glistens in the sun and the sound of slurping is all that can be heard.
"Straw Wars" - A bucket filled with Jungle Juice and twenty straws is presented to a room full of thirsty men. They all grasp for a straw and begin to feast, all fighting for their spot as the juice level rapidly drops.
"Of Ice and Men" - A polished highball is seen front and center with a single spotlight from above. The bartender walks up and in one hand scoops ice into the glass causing an acoustic explosion. The other hand shows a martini shaker tipping so as to release a downpour of neon green thirst quenching liquid splashing against the side and bursting over the top.
"Wet Your Whistle" - A majestic Ice sculpture with a shot luge takes a full on load of Grey Goose. As the liquid runs through the hollowed out slide, it whistles as if someone was rimming a wine glass. A woman puts her shiny red lips to the bottom and guzzles the refreshing liquid while some excess drips out the side down her chin.
You know what they say, it's okay to look just don't touch!
Writing this was indeed an exercise in discipline. I feel like I just put the catheter in cathartic. Please do not try this at home, I thought it was going to be funny (it's okay), but damn am I THIRSTY now. When this happens I grab a sugar filled Rock Star or some straight up chocolate. It helps!
Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash
10. You're a complete failure and so here take all my money.
9. You're a complete failure, but please don't take my money in the top drawer.
8. I have nominated myself to micromanage you and make sure you do everything correctly.
7. If you love me than you will not have another drink.
6. You had another drink even though I told you "If you love me you will not have another drink" so you must hate me.
5. Drinks on me!
4. So you can't just be like normal?
3. It's okay that you ruined the quincenera by shooting the pinata with a .22 caliber rifle and shitting on the cake, just don't do it again.
2. I'll murder you if you don't drink so you may as well drink because you want to anyway and now you can be alive drunk instead of dead sober.
1. You are a disappointment to your mother.
A writer living in Portland, OR looking to meet Chuck Palahniuk. Single mom to 2 boys, sales agent and lawyer-in-training.