I'm going to tell you what most girls won't. Basically, if you respond to this ad please, please, please be decent looking and have an above average sense of humor. I want to use you for drinks as much as you want to use me for sex, but that rides on the fact that you are decent and have an above average sense of humor. You can have no sense of humor, but in that case you are going to have to be really fucking hot. You can be a little less than what I normally deem attractive, but what you lack in looks you're gonna have to make up in funnies. If you take from the hot, you gotta make up in the humor department and vice versa. It's that easy. Hot and funny equals drinks and sex. Glad we have an understanding.
In Denver today from Connecticut and have a day to blow, company funded. Any takers for lunch or dinner? Grab a bite and then head back to my hotel. Company pays for the hotel so the hotel is on me. Get some coffee in the morning or just hang at the hotel and order in breakfast. Maybe brunch. Maybe just coffee then we can part ways. If you want we can go straight to the hotel and order dinner or vice versa. Just had my morning Joe, so I'm finally gettin' goin' here. Gotta have my coffee hahaha. Hotel. Coffee. Dinner. Dinner. Dinner. Hahaha. Bee bop boop *malfunction*
If you don't know who Brad Browning is I suggest you look him up on Youtube. He is essentially the BEST relationship expert who helps girls win their exes back. In an attempt to win back my ex I watched hours of his video's and over time realized I was losing interest for my previous relationship and I was falling for Brad! OMG, he's got that conquistador mustache/beard combo like a white Spaniard, he's ripped all over and dressed in business attire and the fact that he is a personal coach is just hotmazing! Unfortunately, I tried using some of his very own tactics on trying to win him over. I tried sending him the signal I was interested by contacting his place of business and reminding his secretary of the good times we shared via computer screen, then I ignored him for thirty days. After the thirty days of NOTHING though I was livid and feeling like I was the only one really invested in this relationship. I blew up at his receptionist (Sorry Shawna!) then I called back to apologize and broke down crying about 9/11, my dog Hershey that died three years ago and then we had a few laughs about the time I bought back my own sweater from Goodwill. I felt good after that call like things were starting to patch up, but when I didn't hear from Brad (via Shawna) for seven days the hurt started to boil up again. I called up and with a threatening tone said "I know this is against everything Brad is teaching, but I'm going to seriously injure him or myself if he doesn't respond by midnight."
Legally, I'm not okay to leave my place of residence right now so I thought maybe we could get to know each other through correspondence. If you look like Brad Browning, I am interested in getting to know YOU. If you are okay with changing your name to Brad, I would be okay with that too.
I just turned 36 and being on the other side of 35 I believe it's time to make some changes. Most of these changes are of a spiritual nature. When I was 35 and younger it was okay to go to the bar every night, meet a stranger and then complain the next day at work about my twisted hangover. Now I'm at a stage where it's time to take myself more seriously, enroll myself in yoga, wear yoga pants every day and buy a shitload of crystals. Yesterday I was hanging out with a guy named Chris taking Jell-O shots, today I've changed my name to Cahya (buddhist for 'one who is light in darkness'), enrolled myself in six months of aerial silk classes, started a Pinterest account and built a shrine in my room to mother earth with mad crystals and a bunch of sticks and stuff. I also think it's important that I meet a man who is equally as interested in spiritual stuff, like incense, and maybe has dreadlocks or wears clam diggers with sandals. I want someone who has been waiting for the right person cause I totally believe in that and someone who isn't interested in brand name clothes, just brand name yoga wear. If you are this man I search for I believe you will know because the powers of the universe will have drawn you to this ad. There are no coincidences. Namaste, Cahya
Three ways, sideways, Seguays all welcome. If you want we can have a three way sideways on a Seguay. Lap tops, Carrot tops, Top Gun, I do it all. You want me to dress like a ginger Maverick then let's call this role...played! I'm also into soccer piss play, that's where I knee over your chest with one leg down, like I'm posing for a soccer picture with my team, and piss on your chest. Happy to do fore play, that's where I use my dick as a golf club and hit your chin yelling "Fore!" Or four play as in you, me and a bowl full of two other people. We can fill that bowl full of corn flakes as well...I do soggy or dry. There's not a lot I won't do: Screw Tapes, Bandage play, Head Gear, Mask Puppets, Cling Wrap, STD exchange, Venereal Pump, Duck Dive, Coveralls, Ink Cartridge, Toner, Back Stint, Tiger Glue, Gorilla Bump, Pussy Kicks, Hickory Plugs, Hot Vulva, straight piles of naked people...are just a few more things I'm into.
As far as gender and other preferences there's really no discrimination: she-males, duck tales, bride-zillas, Sasquatch, Undercover Boss, Quakers, Katherine Heigl, Nomads, Gonads it's all welcome here. Let's get together and create a melting pot of private parts!
A writer living in Portland, OR looking to meet Chuck Palahniuk. Single mom to 2 boys, sales agent and lawyer-in-training.