Let's Put Some Cats On Our Love

Why men assume that because I have 421 cats that I'm "mentally unable" is a mystery to me. Did you know that cats make wonderful band aids? No, not like the latex one's you silly, more like when you have a baby to repair your broken relationship...that kind of band aid. See now we have cats together and with the handicapped conjoined twin cats we've adopted we would literally have to break them apart if we separated to have our equal share. I would like a cat nip pre-nup, a pre-nip I guess we could say. That stuff ain't cheap. You know what is really expensive though? Surgically separating conjoined cats, I've looked it up and even in Mexico it's nothing short of $4,000. Why are we talking about this now? I feel like this is the time we should have getting to know each other and sharing all of our cat related expenses. If you want to know how a girl is going to treat a man, look at how she treats her cats. I mean I'm not trying to clip your nails with my teeth or perform minor laceration surgery on you, but the good stuff like feeding you (the way to a man's heart is through his stomach and I'm sure your taste buds are revving up right now), brushing your hair, rolling on the ground, giving you a cute name like "Cuddle Butter"...not every girl is going to be like that. Plus I will never, ever, ever, never, ever leave you. That's what me and my cats call a pinky pwomise, but the cats don't have pinky's so I knitted mittens for them that just have pinky's and not thumbs. No, but seriously,  I've put some serious thought into my cats. Sometimes I go cross eyed from looking at the pile of cats on my bed and I can literally make it seem like some of their bodies go with other heads, it's fun. 

Anyway, what I am looking for is a guy that has money, takes care of himself (I could use the help) and is stable. If you have cats that is a plus, my apartment is up to capacity, but I just stack em.