Getting in my mid 30's and thinking abut all the poor schmucks I dated: unemployed musicians, other side of the grass is greeners, cheaters and losers. Gave up the best years of my body to guys that left me with nothin' but a broken heart. Thinking back now I wish I'd been smarter and gone for old guys that propositioned me with cash for some non-relationship cause at least now I'd be enjoying my single life in style instead of being broke and broken. So I've sat around thinking can I really go down on some 80 year old smashed up boner that looks like a dehydrated mushroom? Can I really picture myself underneath saggy skin brushing my supple nipples and COPD groans? Compared with the painful drunken nights the so called "love of my life" spent out without a text or phone call as I tossed in my obsessive fantasies of where he was and the mornings of loneliness or the negligent years that went by when my other ex called my need for time with him "high maintenance", yes, I think I can happily function as a cum bank for some old geezer for a year. No brainer. I'll take door number 3, the cash, because if I choose 1 or 2 I'm walking out of here on a donkey. Straight up.
Hi, my name is Shane. Been on this site for awhile now and wondering what it's gonna take to get a lady to drop a deuce on my literal chest. This is not the poophole loophole; this is direct steam, no frills, human poop making it from point A (ass) to point B (bare chest). I prefer rock hard where it makes the sound of a dull thud and then kind of rolls off like a dud grenade hitting a rubber mat. Not into runny diarrhea (also known as the squirts or on Facebook as "It's complicated"). I'm into women, not men and their forty minute commitments. I'd like this to be zippy, like a McDonald's, but instead of burgers it's digestive impacted compost being released methodically on my torso region. In and out...or rather out and then out. Again, my name is Shane, there seems to be no perfect way to say this...please someone poop on me.
Hello, my name is Veronica and I'm looking for a few HOT email addresses to sp*m. I want to sp*m into your boxes so hard. You know what makes me HOT? Your email address ending in @gmail @yahoo or any other @ that leads into your HOT BOX!! You want my emails to cum into your sp*m folder? Oh yeah, that's what I want too so come on big boy what are you waiting for? I promise I'll squirt as much sp*m as your inbox can handle. Before you know it you'll be deleting my sp*m like crazy and yelling my name out loud like "Fuck....Veronica!" And there might not be any filter in there so what are you waiting for? I'm ready to email blast the fuck out of your world.
There once was a girl a bit too thick
She ate so much on our date it made me sick
I still took her home
But when we started to bone
I could see the lass was sportin' a dick
This be what happens to ya when ya drink too many Mickey's fore ya write the personal ads (not to mention go on dates ya met of the Craigslist). True story that. Not into the dude's cept the one other time I don't wish ta spill the beans about. I'm good at a few things, gettin' drunken hammered and still have a way with the ladies. Me accent they'll take it or leave it even if I'm pissed. Writin' a limerick or seven, bein' a general romantic and other kinds of real manly traits, ya know? Did I mention I have an accent? Aye. Know there's a special lady for me readin' this now. All I have ta ask is please for the love of God no more stiff cocks. Is it too hard a request?!
Just what it says in the title, looking for some sweet gash to ramrod my giant semi-truck with trailer. This product needs to get shoved into a unit quick or it's gonna expire. Have cargo, will travel within state lines to ensure the precious contents of my load get delivered swiftly and to your specs. Last guy who left an ad sounded like a straight bio-hazard...not my style to go into details about my junk and where it's been. I'm simply trying to bust your doors open with my meat wagon and penetrate that precious safe like a g-spot burglar. If that makes you hot, you should see my rig. I think we're done here.
Hello, my name is Darren and I'm D/D free. Just got checked a month ago and know I used coverage the other five times I did it this month. Unless there was some other technical error (condom rip or skin to skin infect) I should be fine. The other things I've had in the past (gonorrhea and a chlamydia carrier) I took care of with a round of antibiotics, no biggie. Except one time I did a clinical trial for medicated lube and developed a type of penile scabies. That's long gone now though (except the scars from when I was masturbating over the scabies that didn't heal right). In retrospect I should have just waited a month to go to town, but simple itching turned into full traction glove jerks. Am I talking too much? I feel like I might be telling you too much... Tell me about yourself. What kind of hobbies are you into? Roughing it or lodging it? Please send a pic too, full body, and I will reply. No replies without pic.
Been awhile since I posted here on the Weebler so I thought I'd crack down and update the ladies on the S.B. situation. First things first, gonna answer some questions from my growing fan base. The most common one bein' "Hey Scootie Bootie, you still got that boot ya talk so much about?" The answer is yes AND no. Doc said my foot was healin' from the Nat light incident so I kinda took it off premature, thought it'd be a good time to go do a Scooter sans boot skeet shoot. Well, I went to the range, knocked down about a 18 pack with muh friend Cruiser Cane Bob and one thing led to another, I somehow got my foot tangled in a fish net full of used hooks. Wasn't the prettiest site prying it free, but the next week when I was back in the boot and went fishin' the skin from my carved up ankle pulled in more Salmon than a trip to Alaska. So ladies no need to be disappointed I'm holdin' true to the name. At this point I'm guaranteeing the boots a staple, might be off for a couple days or so, but I'm keepin it around for good measure. Keep the questions coming ladies and I hope to see you on our next date!
First off I'd like to sorry beforheand for any typing erors in this ad, I am sinverely dyslexic and struggle with prpoer spelling. I am lurking for a woman, prefrably around 04 that has her shit togehter. Is it unresonbale that I might find true love despise my disabillable? I myshelf am a hard worder and a good fiend. I am a wordworker and injoy long woks on the bitch (Most days off I spend my time at the bitch). Alsow, I hav heard that been close to my mothr shoes that I am gone to treet the girl of my dresams like a prices. My name is Mtta, let's grab a dink togehter!
Maholo, hola, Ni hao my name's Benthair Dunthat, I'm a world traveler dying to regale you with hours of tales of my great adventures. I know you want to hear about the time I got five pygmies drunk on a Sunday...how do I know that? I took lessons from a third generation psychic in the Indies. Most of my stories start with "In the Indies..." Please ask me where the Indies are so I can topple off my chair flailing my arms "You mean you don't know where the Indies are??!!" Making you feel like you have the education of an infant gorilla. I apologize now for every story you recount I have something more eclectic, worldly and exciting. Somehow I cannot provide the same excitement I speak of regarding my adventures on blind dates, no, I've been told I'm boring, arrogant and self-centered. I'm not sure what is so boring about seeing my Facebook album entitled the Indies May 2002 to June 2017 with over 5,000 pictures as I've greatly proven in each one I am singularly the most exciting person on the planet.
I would call myself a sugar daddy, but I'm a diabetic so it just doesn't feel right. If you say "Daddy want some sugar?" It actually sends me into somatic shock, my lungs close up and I can't breath. (Although, I have to say hearing it sounds very sexy). In effect, I am looking for a sugar-free baby, a sucralose baby, pretty much any baby that doesn't have fructose or glucose or a combo of both...metaphorically. I'm a well off man in my early 60's looking for a younger lady to spoil and give a leg up in life as long as I'm not losing a foot over it, if you know what I'm saying.