Good afternoon friends! Ladies, gentlemen, trans, bi's, half-guy's, black eyes, black guys, interracial intergalactic species...my name is Jones and I consider myself a collector of experience and an observer of interaction. I am a voyeur and a participant. I've been into BDSM for awhile, but of that I have grown weary and branched out into other sexual trades so to speak. For one, I've been experimenting with SJPPS which is exactly what it sounds like...Sarah Jessica Parker Poster Splatter. Was thinking of maybe a Bukake sesh where four or five guys get together and go to Manahattan on one of the 467 SITC posters I bought. Also, been into BNBLGBTEBT which just stands for Bed and Breakfast Lesbian Gay Bi and Trans Elctronic Boner Transfer. This is where we rent a bed and breakfast and watch robots struggle with their sexual and gender identity. Another thing I like is BBLMIA. This is where I say I'm going to be back later and then go completely missing in action. Sometimes I like to install a camera and watch your reactions from far away. What can I say, I like to keep things interesting...I'm getting old, but my tricks don't have to.
Getting super frustrated with this site. Name's Sean and out of my multiple attempts to get Cleveland Steamed, I've had two responses; One was a bot and the other was trying to sell me on starting my own company. I'm just a regular guy (no pun intended) looking for a regular girl (literally) to poop on me. Not hard...the request I mean, the poop preferably. I don't care if you have to squat or stand over me like a soft serve ice cream machine, I'm results oriented. I understand there are many stigma's out there surrounding fecal matter and it's many components, I beg you to rethink your previously conceived notions about what is acceptable in the bedroom and consider dropping a deus or tres on my face, neck and torso. You have your preferences, I'm not going to try and change that, the only thing I'd like to change is the sheets after I worship captain dark snake. Take a chance, you won't regret it. Or you might and then there's therapy for that. Those people need work too. Anyway, I'm getting off subject. Let's have a three way: you, me and your little friend. Dream on that.
God, I'm sick of games. Not Scrabble, you idiot. No, men who act like they are into me then don't call back. Or guys that lure me into bed then ghost me. WTF? What happened to getting to know each other, saying I like you and you say it back and we get all giggly and kiss. No, fuck, it's like "Hey babe wanna Hang Out?" Lots of interested texts then we meet at the Salt and Straw, follow up with a few drinks and next thing I know I'm sucking you off for wooden nickles. Oooookay. What just happened? Ya know? AND THEN I don't hear from you, strategically send a text like "How you doin'?" two days later and you either a) blow me off or b) come up with some lame full time job you suddenly have which is going to obviously keep you from messaging me. You know you don't have to make up a series of mental illness diagnosis to get me to stop calling you. Then two weeks later AFTER I'VE RECOVERED FROM YOUR SUDDEN BI-POLAR PROBLEM you message "What's up?" Suddenly, I'm all in cause I'm like okay maybe I just over reacted. "Not much," I say. "Wanna Hang Out?" I'm like "Sure." We get together, it's great, lots of fun and then full on wooden nickles what the fuck??!! You disappear. I start cutting myself. Can we just communicate like adults. Can we just talk about what's gonna happen. "I'm on the fence about you, I'd like to sleep with you and maybe bail" kind of heads up. "I'm gonna pop in and out as I please like Pennywise on amphetamines" and just lay it out so I can subdue my fear of clowns, games, circus acts and all other forms of carnie bullshit? Thank God! If you are into dungeons and drag queens, leave me out! If you wanna play Clue with my heart, get a clue and peace out! Please and thankyou!
Why hello little ladies, step right up for the one, the only, Scoot R. Boot, esq., III. Back on here cause right about now I'd like to be doin' less chuggin' and more huggin' and I think you know what I'm talkin' bout. Last month I thought I might have found a lady friend to call my own. In the tradition of the male portion of my family, I screwed it up. In a literal sense I ran over her mailbox and was countin' sheep in the hen house. And in a literal sense, she gave me the boot. What I mean is in an attempt to drag me out my good foot got caught on a rusty nail in the barn and so to make a long story short and if it ain't to much trouble, you'll be drivin'. Message me the old fashion way: pigeon, snail mail or whatever you fancy and let's ride this rascal into the sunset!
Hi girls, this is Darren Wilde, a computer programmer by day, DJ by night. My day job has taken me to some interesting places. I've done web design for some top agencies and found myself talking SEO in the rooms of many a CEO. My DJ gig has also, as you can imagine, spun me out into some crazy circs. A guy like me has to be safe so JSYK I always keep a stack of condoms in my drawer and glove compartment. Some are scented, others glow in the dark, you can pick your poison. I also have a full 10x20 shed sized tarp for any extra splatter, a guy can't be too careful. I took a black light to my room once and it liked like SAW so now I like to catch and release ifyaknowhati'msayin'. I know I haven't contracted anything because I wear a hazmat under suit with a hole in the crotch that has an extension. I love kissing, it's great, but I do require that you wear a surgical mask. If you don't want to wear the mask, it'sallgood, I can just do it. Can't wait to have a spontaneous affair with a cool girl out there. With just a little prep, we can effectively fuck and not have to call disaster clean up. If you're interested give me a hey hey!
Ugh, why can't I be boring? I see all you boring couples taking long walks: Walks on beaches, walks on boardwalks, walks through the woods. What's up with all the walks? Where are you going?! I hope you fall off the edge on the way to your destination. I'm bitter, but at least I'm not boring. Bitterness has driven me to depths of being interesting that you boring people would never understand! Drunken nights with half broken bottles, late nights on chat with random dudes from Craigslist, Cosplay, hobbies like Frisby Golf or Frolfing, black light anything...I sleep in a room covered with Bob Marley posters and black lights. That is how I sleep. I'm now so interesting it has become difficult to find someone to take me serious. Seriously, do I need to dumb myself down and just be boring? Never!
Come on ladies, any of you looking for a straight up guy? Not looking for games. Not lookin' for daddies. I see you tryin' to dodge my calls to look like you're busy...boom, I'm out. I see you coming home drunk from the bar on a work night...boom, I'm out. I see you dancin' on some other guy to try and make me jealous...boom. Got crabs...boom. Can't swim...boom. Jewish mom...boom. Scars...boom. Trump...Kaboom. Late...you may as well have called in a bomb threat, I'm out. Don't want me hangin' out with my football friends? Grab a broom cause you're boomed. Married? Get a room, cause your super boomed. Drugs? I don't do bloomers, I go boomers. Straight up guy, looking for straight up girl. No crazies. Capiche?
Hello, welcome to my lair. My basement. I can see you from the floorboards, you are beneath me and you don't even know it. That's how I like you: Non-consensual and yet willing. I've laid the footprints and asked you to dance, all you have to do is put one foot in front of the other. You're alive and yet your heart is in my freezer. You're conscious and yet your brains are in my hands. I've knocked you out with intrigue and laid you to rest in anticipation.
Was wondering if T.G.I.Friday's is off?
Cause "the boot guy" aka Scooter Jackson just landed and has his sights set on a lady friend. First things first, a little Q and A about T and A. Get that question often, "Hey Bootlegger, you an ass man or a breast man?" Well, your breast guess is as good as mine **wink wink wink** Nother question I get is "Hey Skeeter, you come from a broken home or just broke?" First off my name's not skeeter, second off I'm not broke now so I don't know why that came up and third I had a nuclear family, like the bomb, like my dad was gonna explode at any minute and my mom was gonna cut rations for us to survive the fallout. I hope that helps you get to know me better. I feel like I'm openin up a lot in gettin to know the ladies out there. I hope you'll help me get to know you better too!
I know that men are really into virgins, but for a girl like me a holy man is the ultimate. I've been with bishop's before and I know there's a reason holy and horny are only 3 letters apart. Monks can go for days and I'm not talking about the vow of silence. Real loud. I'd like to find a man of the cloth to get under the sheets with. A guy that is so over being good that he's willing to risk it all for moi. It's really quite flattering when a guy is willing to give up a whole congregation just to spend time with me. I want what every girl wants: to feel special. I want a guy that puts me before God, is that really too much to ask?
A writer living in Portland, OR looking to meet Chuck Palahniuk. Single mom to 2 boys, sales agent and lawyer-in-training.