Hi Boys, get on your knees cause Mama Daytrick and Donna Matrix are here to make a Panini sandwich with plenty of meat. If you are a dainty mama's boy that needs to be punished cause you've been bad or just plain not good you've come to the right space. We'll blankety blank blank blank your blank and some other things we just can't spank out loud. We want to make you scream like a girl and shoot like a hunter with an AK47. Let's go full rounds boys. We'll line you up like a line of coke and break you down like the town joke. My name is Mama and I like to hang from a zip line and cruise down and kick you right in the back. Another one of my specialties is jumping off the high dive while you lay in an empty pool, right on your face as I grab your nuts and call you "Midget Squiggy". And I'm Donna Matrix or DM and I'd love pushing you into a bed of mousetraps and raw salmon while twisting your nipples and yelling "Cum now, no stop, okay, now, wait, no....okay, now". Sooooo hot! If you like foreplay, I can beat the daylight out of you with effervescent dildo's and marry you only to have two kids, leave you for your assistant and take you for all you are worth. Some boys out there are looking for a good time and then there's you. You know who we're talking about. Call us :/
I've never been in a fixed relationship. I literally mean to ponder, dream and wonder. You want me cause I inspire you. Who am I? A muse. I riddle you with pleasure and confuse you into delight. Can I be the Julianne Moore to your PT Anderson? The Francis McDormand to your Coen Brothers? The Edie Sedgewick to your Andy Warhol? The last artist I conjured went stark raving mad, he wanted to capture me in a bottle and drink me to forget the void. He thought I was the solution, but I am just means for extraction; A provocateur in a sense, my beauty is unmatched and my aura is penetrating. You will want to own me, to tame me, to impress every idea onto my living sculpture and just when you think you have I will become elusive like a dream that cannot be explained. Every encounter will feel like a portal, like phenomenon of hallucination and if not of the surroundings, an alternate version of yourself. You will glorify me of your own intent, a projection of your cumulative desires, an embodiment of what you seek to achieve of your own sensibilities, but cannot seem to express until one day the frog you've held tightly leaps from your hands onto the page, creating a Doppler of passionate and imaginative splatters and you discover my meaning.
Also, was wondering if you are still up for the two for one at Applebee's?
I saw dat guy who, you know, take stool samples, I'm like uh uh, hellz no, ain't nobody takin a shit on dis. And all u too freaky dudes wit yo boots or whatever, please disregard dis message. My last boyfrien I toll him to go make me a sandwich. BTW in my sandwiches I like Roast beef, not to much lettuce, mustard, mayo, all dat, but cheez fo sho. Always gotta have cheez, make a note a dat.
Guy here interested in random play for fun or just aimless, ghost-eyed f*cking. I'm into "Mountain Douche", that's where I role play that I work at REI and tell you that your survival skills suck while you watch me f*ck your wallet. I have experience as "Hummer Dipshit" which begins with me peeling into the smallest parking space with my music blasting and yell out the window "You girls looking for a bad time?". In the second half of that fantasy you watch for forty minutes as I painfully try to jerk myself erect while making excuses like "Sorry, I did too much coke today" or "My dad hates me." I have tons of experience as "Blanket" where I lay on top of you so can't leave me due to my often violent outbursts. I could role play blanket all day long. It's pretty easy for me to step into character, just looking for a partner to "act with" and "pretend to be" insecure, arrogant, steroid addicted, impotent, asshole's.
You: Stunning Asian about 5'2", full of energy and smiled at me when I asked the front desk if I needed SR22 insurance for my scooter. When I watched you take the driving test and back into some orange cones, it gave me a little chuckle. When you started to weave around the cones and proceed to dart full speed into a barricade, it was pretty cute. You almost hit the retaining wall, killed the instructor and totaled the car. So I have just one question: When is it my turn?
Oh, I'm writing already, oh, hi! Hehehe okay, so I've never done anything remotely like this so pardon me if I lah dee dah my way through and leave out some details. Meanwhile, I can offer some simple aesthetics about myself: I am 5'3" with long reddish brown curly hair past my shoulders. In the summer I get freckles, in the winter I get shivers. Things that I like are: capes that get delivered to your shoulders by pastel budgies, I like tiny marsh mellows, whirling dervishes, hamburger sliders, slides! The world is my oyster so every night I dress like Venus. The world is a stage so I make several costume changes, take lovers, create plot lines...but never ever memorize my lines, ooopsies! My last lover was a minstrel, the one before that had a ponytail, the one before that a barista maybe you will be a piano repairman with a mustache and taste for fine whiskey or a bike messenger that delivers sweet notes under my windshield wipers like "Ground control to major hottie, there' something for you on the passenger." And then in my passenger seat will be this ad framed and engraved underneath it will say BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. Who will be the man to win the affections of this fair maiden only times will tell, but until then I will leave you with a kiss...quirky bye!
Green goblin looking for my irie princess to worship and get high with. Do you smoke? Cuz I'm pretty sure I do. hah hah ha h. I'm hungry right now, hungry for my nubian goddess to reign supreme and maybe go get a burrito supreme with. What I'm trying to say is...I wanna get high with you, like blow some cumulonumbus clouds and start a tornado of love around us. I think you know what I'm sayin'. A perfect date for me would look like this: I get high...well, that's a given...invite you over to puff tough on this Kettle Korn Kush Berry Spice. We stare at each other from across the room as a beam of light hits your face like a sun comet SPLUSH! I taste the scent of your eyes, chinese dragons enter from the sides of the room....a chime chimes...little feet brush against the side of your face...a man's laughter....a baby is born, new life...a cat's tail appears, the cool kind...nature exposes itself in it's splendor...the simple first drop of tea in an empty cup...a literary narrative overhead...a boy's dream...John Mayer
So if that sounds good my little sweet buddess H. M. U.
I'm a Scorpio, what else? Uh, yeah, I will totally wreck your shit, in a good way, and proceed to just wreck your shit. My last boyfriend, I used his keyboard like a paper plane out the front door. The next day I turned my front entryway into a heart, painted it red with blue veins running through so he'd know he'd walked right back into my heart. Unfortunately, we're broke up now. He should be getting the Christmas card I sent any day now, I painted the inside with non-drying black ink so when he opens it he'll get as black as the void he left. So, sigh, now I need a replacement. How am I supposed to know if he misses me if I don't make him jealous to the point of rage. I need a man. I also need some twist ties, a bunch of rope, a knife, some ether and a tarp.
Man oh man, it's Scoot Boot back in business and ready to expand my horizon's. For a minute I took a break from Weebler to go get married and divorced then married and divorced AGAIN! Let's see the first one was just a knock out, like literally we got into some hand-on-hand combat in bed and I had to take her out before she killed my snake Betsy. I know what you're thinking, Betsy is a cow name, well, it just was the first thing that came to mind. The second one, well now she was a real zinger. Yeah, she stuck me with her Taser Gun when I got an extra lap dance at the Pitiful Passions strip club. Now the first one was tested, marked and approved, but the second one was on me, literally, and without proper permission that just made me the scum of the earth. So here I am basically against my will hunting for my next partner in crime. Now obviously...don't be a kook. Tried it and it didn't work. Kook Boot don't sound good anyway. Scoot needs a lady that has at least some kind of head on her shoulders and a good name, something that doesn't rhyme with boot, now that's just bazaar.
A writer living in Portland, OR looking to meet Chuck Palahniuk. Single mom to 2 boys, sales agent and lawyer-in-training.