Scooter Boot here, er you know the coupla other names I been pickin' up along the way: Bootlegger McDupe, Scooter "The Boot Guy" Boot Bilson, SOB, AND late fer dinner (not my fault, was takin' rubber chicken shots with my pal Casey "Dick Beater" Kratom and accidentally pushed my pants through the woodchipper...it was funny at the time) Nywayz, after muh three divorces from this site I wasn't too sure if I wanted to show muh face here again. But you know no harm, no foul (unless it's a rubber). A few things about myself...got 20/20 vision, dr. always says muh blood's fast when they check my iron and I got the herps. When I say I'm burnin' for you I guarantee it is entirely literal. Seem ta pick up crazies so at this point I'm not expectin' no diff'rent cause that'd mean I need to change myself an to that I say no thank you. There's a certain virtue that goes into bein the man you are even if it means you injure yourself weekly from Keystone Light and two left feet. Give ole Scooter Beet a hollar if yer crazy like me.
Hello, my name is Stephanie and I'm a math teacher living in Utah. I've been imagining what my tagline would be on the Real Housewives of Lehi and I'm thinking "I May Not Be The Only Wife, But I'm The One That Counts". I am a member of the reorganized church of Jesus Christ of Ladder Day Saints and in effect I am looking for a man that already has established a wife base. I'm also a HUGE fan of the Bravo Real Housewives franchise and I am hoping to find a family that would be interested in trying out for the show with me. Think about it, instead of having several sets of husbands and wives, it could just be us! Our arguments would look like this:
"I did the dishes last night and it was Rhonda's night!"
"I don't do the dishes, I'm a linear blood relative of the prophet Joseph Smith! I'm practically Mormon royalty!"
"Girl, you trippin', this church was founded on women doing the dishes, you better step!"
I've got lots of drama to provide myself as I am related to the late Brigham Young, have 67 brothers and sisters and am on 4 different kinds of bi-polar meds. I'm kind of a rebel as I refuse to wear jeans under my dresses and wear straight panty hose. Put Real Housewives of Yo Momma's in the line of your email if you are a strapping man with a full beard and more than three established wives. Excited to meet you all!
Yeah, just like the title implies, I'm kind of a stalker. Normally when a girl breaks up with a guy they kinda get a hint like they should move on, well...not me. My first inclination is to "make you go out with me" or make it so "if you're not going out with me, no one can have you" by whatever means I have to secure. Basically, a stalker is just an assertive romantic if you think about it. Like Shakespeare I like writing little sweet poems then attaching them to a large rock and throwing them right through the front window. It's called passion and a lot of guys are really lacking in that department.
"What happened to the days when guys would drive past your house multiple times in the day (and some in the night) just to catch a glimpse of your gorgeous body (also, make sure there's no other guys lurking around...and if there are threatening to set you both on fire) then going home and indulging in aggressive rape fantasies, ya know?! " - me
My idea of a perfect date would be like I come on super strong by demanding every second of your attention and getting pissed at any guy who dares look at you. You make up an excuse as to why you need to go home and when we part I send ten messages about what a good time I had. When you don't reciprocate the messages, I instantly turn violent and mean, cutting you down for being stupid, fat and ugly. To save face I show up at your house sometime in the very early morning crying and apologizing for my "rash behavior" and you say you understand, invite me in and make passionate love after which I ask you to marry me. You freak out, wish you hadn't been so horny you settled for a guy that had obvious glaring red flags and our courtship begins. I know it's short timing, but the connection is so powerful I just have to have you. If you think you are that special that someone should surely be stalking you then please respond. If nothing else you can use me as your token stalker to prove to the guy that you are really interested in that you are worth something.
Got someone to poop on me! Finally! However, had a little incident and my house caught fire while we were in the act. She made it out okay cause she already had her shit packed if that makes sense. Now that I know it's possible though, it has restored my faith in humanity. My name is Shane and I have a deep, deep desire to cut loose on some loose stool. I'm looking for a special person that is poo-curious to experiment with. If you have a heavy load, loose that caboose up onto my pad and I'll help you make a drop. For lack of a better poo-phemism....this ain't no bank, but I'll help you with all your deposits. I ain't no financial advisor, but I'll help you with all your business, ifyouknowhwhati'msayin'? Took me awhile to gain my strength and declare what I want of the poo-niverse, but here I am loud and proud. I'm a simple man and my needs are few. I want a special package delivered to my front door this holiday season. I'll be waiting....
That's justh an amathing aliterathion ithn't it? Why hello, my name ith Maxth and I believe, by my esthtamations, we are off to a good start. How can thethes things be quantified I'm sure you are asthing yourthelth's right now. The egsthact formula is a slope intersthept t1-t2 over h1-h2 if that makthes thenths. Love ith a formula juth waiting to be tholved. If that doethn't turn you on than perhapth our time together has already been too long. I would thay that time ith too preciouth a thing too waste, but wasting time is physically improbable! In thact thome would argue that time ith utterly non-ethistant. Anywaythes, I am but a thimple yet crude ethample of a man looking for a regal printhess to grathe my path. Pleathe tell me about yourthelf and leths get thith good start off up to an ethcellent one!
PS. So I have a lisp in real life, but I don't know why in God's hell I was writing with one. Sorry about that, Max.
So let me first start out by saying, I never intended on having this many cats. People make jokes about me being "the cat lady" and "the lady who lives alone with cats" and it's all true, but that makes it sound like I can't adapt to a life outside of my cats. It sucks because other than the couch that looks like it's entirely made out of cats (it's my cats favorite breeding ground) and the furry post that looks like a cat bomb went off and exploded cats all over it, my life is pretty normal. Of course I hate that my house smells like someone pissed on a cadaver and shoved it in the heater vent, but that's what Febreeze is for! I mean, I'll be honest, if you can't get past the minefield of hair/poop balls combined with the smell of a fire hydrant of piss gone rogue, this may not work out. If the site of 20 cats staring at you as you exit your car from the street (some in the window, but usually a couple roaming the yard and a few on the roof sun bathing) is alarming to you than maybe I'd consider getting more cats just to cover up the ones that are bothering you. I think you'll find that I'm actually a really caring person especially when you see the special needs cats that I have provided a home for. "Hook Jr." lost his paw when he tried to decapitate his previous owner and now he has a crowbar hook where his paw used to be. He also lost one of his eyes so it's permanently sewed shut. I have a Youtube video where he appears to say "Revenge", it has almost one thousand views! Anyway, I'm excited for you to meet every 96 and counting of my lovely friends. Each with their very own set of unique personality traits!
Had some gender confusion in my early twenties, had parts removed and became a woman...anatomically speaking. That worked until I reached female menopause, hit a midlife crisis and decided to go back to original. The surgery had some complications and I was left as a "medical hermaphrodite". This seemed physically confusing to my partners so I just had the doctors take it all off. Now I have a gender unspecified nub. What appears as a melted wax Ken Doll from the waist down actually functions with the lively pulse of a malfunctioning blue tooth speaker from the dollar store. I am neither man nor woman, I now refer to myself as noman (pr: nuh-man). I know there is someone out there for me, who this person is is a complete mystery to me. And to my support group. Apparently, there are support groups for everything.
I know what you're thinking...why would a Karaoke DJ have to go on a site to find women? True, we are the profession that mysteriously gets laid almost as much as bartenders and just a little more than Baristas. I can't explain to you why it is that the less a man focuses on anything but being the center of attention the more he gets...you know, to go down the tunnel of love. A woman wants a doctor or a lawyer to marry, she wants a KJ or a DJ to go to bed with. It's just how it is. So why would I be here if I'm getting laid plenty? There's no way I can reach the anywhere close to the market I need without doing some outreach. If I just sit around in my own KJ booth I might get one new hottie a week to sleep with, but if I broadcast myself I might get as much as four of you fine ass ladies in a week! If you like threesomes, please, I am talking major pyramid scheme at that point! I, of course, being on the top. I'm talking major numbers. There's only one of me to go around unfortunately :(
Yeh, hello my name is Juan and I am one imbordant guy from Mehico. I like women who look like Bay Watch. I take bery bery good care of my women with cars and bery good clothes. You eber been with a mexican guy than you have treat in box for you I see you get it. I see life like delicious fruit that need to be peeled and the women's are the inside that make eberything grow and clean up nice. I see this lady come in to restaurant, bery bery gorjose and I say you want to go to moobie or maybe do something sometime? This lady, she bery gorjose like fresh apple ready to be picked and ebery moment esplosion of flavor. She say no. So maybe now I think about doing some writing like this and find lady who is pretty good. You want a real man not like these oder guys never take you out never buy you clothes always look at oder women then maybe Juan is guy for you. You think.
A writer living in Portland, OR looking to meet Chuck Palahniuk. Single mom to 2 boys, sales agent and lawyer-in-training.