Did you used to be a bad boy and play the guitar, but now you're a good boy and you play the guitar in a Christian rock band? Did you used to have girls spilling out of your room, but now you're mentally circumcised singing old testament verses and looking for the one woman who can grab your attention and keep you under lock and key? Oh, what did you say? You think I'm like no one you've ever met? Wow, I've always deep down known I was special, but you've slept with so many women and you're choosing me so now I know I'm somethin'! I can't wait to point at you from the front row to visitors and say "That's my boyfriend shredding about God."
Oooops, sorry, I kinda went on a tangent there. That's weird that I could almost imagine your voice in my head. I can see you too. Where you used to have long hair and a tribal tattoo, you now have a shaved head and a soul patch and that same tribal tattoo. Maybe someday you'll get my name tattooed in Chinese on your right back and when people ask you what it means you'll tell them it's Chinese for "Ankle Cuff". Are you crazy about God and looking for a good girl to explain why you can't get erections on your anti-depressants to? I'm crazy enough to think you're God which goes hand in hand with the narcissistic personality disorder you're covering up with scriptures like a clown ready to jump out of an outhouse! I went on E Harmony and discovered we are compatible on all nine levels!
Photo by Greyson Joralemon on Unsplash
A writer living in Portland, OR looking to meet Chuck Palahniuk. Single mom to 2 boys, sales agent and lawyer-in-training.